[straightouttacompton]

its his birthday...

we are san diego bound to spend some time with nick today. he is officially no longer a teenager!

♥ We love you, sweets!! ♥

 

the rides at magic mountain ain't got nuthin' over ryan

So yesterday, Ryan's face collided into the base of our dining room table. Our extremely sturdy, heavy wood dining table. He had been running around the house, horsing around. I was mortified. I feared that he would spit out his teeth, or even worse, fragments of his skull, as we picked him up from the floor. Okay, so yes, I'm exaggerating... But he was bleeding a lot. Let me tell you what happened and explain why I was so paranoid... (By the way, today's post is mostly a recap from all of last night's frantic Facebook posts, for our non-FB friends/family and for our blog/family record.)

See, Ryan has been extremely fragile the past 4.5 years, during his treatment for leukemia. We got used to treating him like a delicate, precious egg (as I explained to a friend this morning). During his treatment he wasn't allowed to be so rambunctious and inherently, he also knew to be careful with himself. Now that he's better, his Hickman is gone and his blood & platelet counts are normal/near normal, we've relaxed A LOT, and we've let him more fully enjoy his boyhood and all the destruction that naturally comes with it. Yesterday was TERRIFYING because it's the first such accident he's had. Something like that just 6 months ago could have easily killed him. He could have bled to death, he could have died from an infection, etc... You get the picture. But today, Ryan is truly enjoying his second (or is it third or fourth or fifth?) chance at living life to it's fullest. Even with 15 stitches in his mouth.

After he fell, I shouted for Jason to come and help us. We grabbed a bunch of small towels, briefly looked at Ryan's mouth to try to assess the situation and jetted to the closest ER. When we arrived, they wanted to know what happened, and they were somewhat laid back, asking us to have a seat, until Jason told them that Ryan is a post-bone-marrow-transplant kid. Then they asked us a few more questions, said, "Hold on a second..." and took us right in.

The doctors and nurses were all wonderful even though I struggled considerably at first to not second guess everything. Four and a half years of leukemia and relapse have left me slightly jaded and extremely paranoid. Two ER doctors came in to look at Ryan's gash because the first one was concerned that it was so deep and large that they wouldn't be able to repair it. Ryan had apparently separated the inside of his upper lip from the top part of his gums and it was extensive. They agreed that Ryan's laceration was gonna require an oral and maxillofacial surgeon to repair it. Luckily by than the bleeding had tapered off almost completely. Thank you platelets. Thank you Ryan's amazing bone marrow donor! ♥

After conferring with Dr. Donohue who was the on-call peds onc at COH last night, it was decided that they'd call in a surgeon to come in and take a look at it and decide if he could fix it. Enter Dr. Bruckner, a really nice guy and a really fantastic oral surgeon...

He came in and was totally casual, sporting a moustache and chewing gum. He reminded me a bit of the Saturday Night Live Jeopardy sketch in which Norm McDonald played Burt Reynolds playing the part of Turd Ferguson, but without the big hat. (No offense meant! I was just trying to find things to laugh about through the tears last night.)

  

He took out a special contraption for his head with lights and magnifiers on it, looked at Ryan's mouth, and said that he was definitely going to need stitches. Jason had momentarily left to go home and pick up some sweaters and a couple of other things... Dr. B asked me to step outside of the room with him and took me down the hall. He explained that he had to repair Ryan's mouth and he could totally do it in that room, but that he needed me to step outside and not be in there while he was sewing him up. I was mortified!! After ALL that Ryan's been through, especially the last year, he's traumatized and I couldn't fanthom anyone stitching up that gaping tear with in my baby's mouth without putting him under i.v. sedation... I was all alone and I thought I was going to explode from all the fear and stress. I begged Dr. B to find an anesthesiologist and even contemplated leaving and driving Ryan to CHLA because I knew that COH probably wouldn't be able to accommodate his injury last night. Anyhow, I called Jason and asked him to drop everything and come right back, and then I decided to just trust Dr. B with my kid even though my stomach and my heart felt like they were both about to jump out through my mouth. 

I went into the room and very calmly and matter of factly explained to Ryan that Dr. B was going to fix his mouth so that it wouldn't bleed anymore. I told him that the nurses wanted to show me something outside on their computer screen and that they wanted me to help them, so I had to go outside while Dr. B fixed his mouth for him. Ryan calmly replied, "Okay," and smiled. I told him I knew I how brave he is and that I was proud of him for being so brave. My little opportunist then asked me if we could go to Toys R Us or Target afterwards. I promised him we would.

I stepped out into the hallway and tried to prevent my body from exploding. Around 4 or 5 other healthcare professionals disappeared into the room with Dr. B and Ryan. Jason arrived. We heard a couple of screams and then nothing... Someone took in a metal tray for the surgical instruments. Dr. B came out and said that the worst part was over (the injections of local anesthesia) and that Ryan was doing a fantastic job. Ryan peered out and smiled at us. He was pointing at his mouth, trying to communicate that it was numb. Dr. B asked us again to wait outside in the waiting room. I told him that I was scared shitless and when he asked why we explained that Ryan has been under i.v. anesthesia at least 40 times for procedures and this would be the first procedure without sedation and I was scared for him. He reassured us that he would be fine and we finally stepped outside into the waiting room.

Much to our surprise, the stitches only took around 10 minutes. One of the nurses came out to call us back in and she raved the whole time about how incredibly brave and calm Ryan was during the procedure. 

Inside the room, Ryan was smiling and he kept asking us *when* we were leaving to Target and/or Toys R Us.

Dr. B refused to tell us how many stitches he sewed into Ryan's mouth and I kept bugging the crap out of him. At first he said that he doesn't count stitches and asked me if I REALLY wanted to know, and then he still wouldn't tell. Finally he said that if I insisted on a number that perhaps somewhere "around" 15 would do. He asked us to schedule a follow up for Ryan in his office on Friday (done) and to keep brushing his teeth, and also have Ryan gargle with salt water twice a day to prevent infection. That is the biggest worry until it heals.

We left and drove to the nearest Target that was open til 11 pm. Ryan scored on yet another Lego set. We are close to being able to open up another Legoland location in our house. Ryan's lower face was totally swollen, his shirt had blood all over it and his lips and right nostril were caked in blood. Jason and I laughed because we were astounded that no one called DCFS on us while we were there. Our friend and fellow peds leukemia mom summed it up perfectly: "Trip to Target OR Toys R US- why not both? I don't know what we spend more money on, medical bills or trips to Target & Toys R Us on the way home from the hospital visits!" I think that only fellow peds cancer or serious peds illness parents can fully appreciate & understand the ridiculous truth behind that statement. 

We grabbed dinner around midnight and fell asleep sometime after 1 am. Teresa was already asleep when we got home. She had bravely been holding down the fort while we were gone. 

...I woke up this morning to the sound of small feet running around the house. I've already asked him a dozen times to stop running and he's already fallen once. He fell and got up and yelled: "I'm OKAY!" As some friends have suggested, it's probably time to buy some bubble wrap for him.

...So while he is okay except for a ridiculously & almost comically distorted & swollen face today (think: Homer Simpson), let me end this post by making make it clear why I was so frantic yesterday by sharing what I wrote to a friend a short time ago: "Yesterday was overwhelming with stress. I had just found out and was just reading online about a friend's little boy that is Ryan's age, who relapsed with neuroblastoma (another high risk peds cancer) for the second time, when Superboy's face collided with the dining room table. I was an emotional wreck to begin with, and normally when emergencies happen, I automatically shift gears without thinking, which enables me to cope effectively. But not yesterday. My emotions were all over the place and I FREAKED out. I thought Superboy was gonna get up and cough his teeth or skull out. Lucky for him, that didn't happen. ...Funny in retrospect that I was so terrified yesterday about a normal boyhood type of injury, yet, I handled transplant and his brushes with death last year flawlessly. I got used to treating him like a delicate egg that might break. Now that he's better, I need to be able to deal with these normal boyhood situations and accept & be grateful for the fact that he's able to handle them and experience them as terrifying as they might be."

Family & friends, thank you, for helping us to keep it together & even manage to smile through the tears last night via FB and texts. 

...Please keep our very precious friends who are still battling the peds cancer monster & fighting for their lives in your thoughts and/or prayers (if you are so inclined). To our precious friends: Stay strong! We LOVE you! ♥  ...To cancer: another BIG F U !!!

Thanks for stopping by.

camp ronald mcdonald for good times ♥

Jasmine is on her way for a week of CAMP GOODNESS at CRMfGT summer session #5! Fun times!!

Summer Camp Trailer from Camp Ronald McDonald on Vimeo.

"Bright beautiful day! 60+ volunteer are on the roads to pick up 140 campers from LA, Long Beach & Loma Linda to bring them "Home" for Summer Session 5! Tractors are in the meadow grading the areas for our new Dining Hall & Cabin Village.. very exciting day in so many ways!"  --CRMfGT (8/15/11)

 

Thank you, Camp Ronald McDonald for Good Times!! ♥

conversation with my evil kid this morning

Mommy: Ryan, PICK UP YOUR TOYS AND BLANKETS!

Ryan: (silence)

Mommy: RYAN! I said to pick up your toys and blankets RIGHT NOW!

Ryan: (silence)

Mommy: Ryan! If you don't pick up your toys and blankets, I am going to pick everything up and throw it in the trash! I'm going to count to three! One... Two..

Ryan: I will throw YOU in the trash!

He eventually picked everything up after I sternly warned him not to talk to me like that ever again. It was so hard to keep a straight face and pretend I was angry. Fiesty little weasel. ♥

"daddy..."

"Do you want to fight? Do you want to take me down?"

"Like Kung Foo fighting? PSSH! PSSH! Like that! Beat up all the bad guys!"

--Ryan walking around the house, looking for someone to fight/play with...

"HEY! Do you want to take me down?"

That's his thing. He was super cautious & reserved while he had his Hickman Catheter implanted in his chest. Now he's making up for lost time, "fighting" and wrestling every chance he gets. He cracks me up.